What the hell is wrong with Fat people in the Bathroom?
/* Posted September 5th, 2008 at 10:16am *//* Filed under News */
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What the hell is wrong with Fat people in the Bathroom?
What… the… HELL. What is it about fat people that makes them take an atomic dump in a public bathroom which smells like a rotten week dead raccoon stuffed with rotten eggs festering in a barf bag in the sun? Every fat guy I know craps molten stench that turns any nice, clean bathroom into a radioactive hot spot until a hazmat crew can properly de-funk the place. You can practically feel the stink hanging in the air… walking into a bathroom in which a fat guy has just laid waste to is like being maced. I have to go to the bathroom on another floor of my office building otherwise the smell will get into my clothes and I’ll be reeking of fat guy ass whammy all day. What is wrong with these people? Do they have some special fat gland that turns their food into pure, unadulterated stench in their digestive tracts? Are they half cat? I fail to understand how such a powerful, rotten, eye watering stink can come out of a human being… and worst of all the fat people think that is “normal”.
Flickr/didbygraham
More after the break….
I think a big contributor to the death gas effect from fat guys “leavings” is that almost every commercial or office bathroom is basically a self-enclosed chamber of horrors. Think about it… the bathrooms in office buildings and shopping malls are all hard surfaces, they sometimes have no air returns or vent fans and they usually have nice big heavy doors closing them off from the rest of the building. Unless you count the open door crappers at ballparks and airports, most office bathrooms are like gas landmines waiting to trap the unwary user. If some fat guy drops little boy in one of the stalls you don’t know about it until you open the door to the bathroom and walk in… and by that point the gas is on you.
I think since obesity is becoming an epidemic in America, and it can only be assumed that that means a dangerous increase in bathroom gas attacks, we need to rethink our bathroom designs. Methane warning signs, lots and lots of air fresheners, emergency gas venting like atomic power plants… perhaps a little box with gas masks at the door. We are victims of our own poor architecture just as we are victims of fat guys bowel assaults.
And just to cap this off I walked into my office john an hour ago to drain the lizzard only to walk face first into yet another room of fat guy leavings stench. I swear to all that is holy the stink is in my teeth now. I’m going to have to go home and do one of those Glenn Close “Jagged Edge” panicked scrubbing of myself in the shower.
I swear the stink is in my socks for god’s sake. It’s like I’ve been running through sh!t sprinklers… and all I did was walk in, scream and run out. I’d find a way to prop that door open to vent the gas but then everyone in the hall would fall victim. We almost need a sacrificial Spock to go in there with some gloves, lift off the ceiling tiles and vent the vile smog into the rafters. Of course much like Spock that poor schlub would die in there… Needs of the many indeed.
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Well, since they to don’t move around too much, they also don’t “move” too much. Therefore all that “crap” is just sitting in the intestines getting… more stinky.
So, when they finally do pull themselves off the couch, or out of bed, and try to..lets say, shop, they finally have to go.
Thus, the atomic dump.
My “other” is about 280 (call me Jill Sprat) and while tis true he can peel the enamel off the bowl, the whole public places thing is just plain nasty…he won’t do the do in a public place. Neither of us were raised like that — cut the trip short & run back home if you can make it — and if you can’t there’s always the COURTESY FLUSH people! Now as far as scientifics — you got me there…smell isn’t always weight related. I mean, I’m sure there are some Olive Oyl’s out there that you don’t want to walk behind on a good day either. Maybe it’s all the extra cholesterol & over processed fatty foods that don’t sit well with the body in general, in addition to Dee’s “slow-motion” theory…? (shrugging shoulders hoping for a cure)
MeMe
> (shrugging shoulders hoping for a cure)
errr; it’s called exercise and having a healthy diet.
Hahaha, that’s pretty hilarious. You made me laugh. Yeah my moms crap is NASTY and she’s pretty big. I think maybe it has something to do with the diet of fat people.